If I could’ve, if would’ve posted earlier. In fact, I would’ve posted two DAYS earlier, if I had figured out how to use the computer by then. If you haven’t already heard, the Flock is with Dr. M and Ella at Dr. M’s beach house. Yeah, I have connections.
Problem was, the old Mac computer there is a dinosaur. I mean, seriously, it must’ve been from George Washington’s childhood (and old then). Dr. M knew I would want to post, so she dug through the beach house’s attic and found this dusty old instruction manual. It literally took her FIVE minutes to wipe off all of the dust and grime. I was surprised the manual hadn’t disintegrated yet; the pages were yellowed, and if you didn’t turn them really carefully, part of the book would tear out. I have five words for you: Not. Made. In. My. Lifetime.
Just to make sure I was going to be okay, Dr. M decided to read part of the manual to me. She kept shaking her head with awe at all of the crazy technical terms and rolling her eyes, especially about the part that read, “Find the button with the icon that is a circle with a small line through the top. This button stands for ‘power’. Press and hold the ‘power’ button for five seconds, then let go.” Apparently, back then, ‘power’ buttons were a new thing.
The whole time I just nodded my head, and acted like I knew what was going on. Which I didn’t. Even with my wonderful acting skills, Dr. M was pretty skeptical. She called Nudge in to see if she could help.
“Whoa,” Nudge said when she walked in. “This baby’s old. But I think I can figure it out.” But I couldn’t let myself get bested by a girl. Especially a motormouth fashion-holic Avian-American girl. No way. So I said, “It’s okay Nudge. I think I can handle this dinosaur.” She was also skeptical. So I picked up the manual and and pointed to a button. “See, this, um, power-button-thingy turns on the computer.” She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Fang, that’s the ‘print’ button. But, whatevs. Figure it out yourself. C’mon, Dr. M. I’ll help you pick out your outfit for tomorrow! It needs to be red, white, and blue since it’s really close to the 4th! And I can lend you my white earrings! And my scarf! And-”
At that point, Dr. M dragged Nudge out of the room, leaving me alone with Grandpa. I took me a few hours, but I finally figured it out. And here I am. Posting.
Where’s the shift key again?
Yeah. I’m going to have some trouble. But I’ll figure it all out. Eventually.
So, the Flock went to the beach yesterday for the first time in years. It was sunny, hot, and the water was cool. It was perfect. Other than the fact that I forgot to wear sunscreen. I guess I was so busy making sure everybody else was ready that I kind of, um, forgot to make sure I was ready. Maybe that’s why sunscreen is the world’s greatest gift. Wait, no, that’s children. Sunscreen if the fifth greatest gift.
This morning, after waking up, finding my body covered with redness and itching and pain, and running down the stairs in a frantic terror (I thought someone had spray-painted me again, except this time my whole body), I was sitting at the breakfast table trying to ignore the pain, when Iggy came in and asked, “What’s going on?” Max replied with a smirk, “Oh, nothing much. Fang here just forgot to wear sunscreen and now he’s covered with red spots.” Here it comes: “What are you, blind?” shouted out by none other than Total. Iggy plopped down in the chair next to me, and grumbled, “As a matter of fact, I am.”
Then he felt my arm. Not in a weird way. In a ‘I’m-blind-and-can-only-see-colors-by-touching-things’ way. Then he told me that I’m, I quote, “As red as a pickle!”
Honestly, that was the funniest thing I’ve heard in the past month. I laughed so hard I couldn’t stop. And then I couldn’t breathe. And then I could again. Stupid Iggy. Trying to kill me with his equally stupid jokes.
For a while after that, I seriously thought the kid had mental issues. So, being the responsible Avian-Americans we are, the Flock and I decided to re-teach Iggy his colors. Which took a long time. All of today, to be exact.
And at the end of it, Iggy said, “You guys know that I knew sunburn is red? And pickles are green?” I almost strangled the kid. But if I had, Iggy would be dead and I would be in jail. And not posting this. You have to love my self control.
Instead, I muttered some censorable words. And got sent to my room for the rest of the night. With no dinner. So I’ll have to settle for this sweaty sock. Ew, nevermind, I won’t. I’ll just have to settle for this chocolate bar. While I plan my escape. And my revenge.
How do I post this thing again?
Fly on.
-Fang
Fang's Blog 